My great grandfather told me “You need to travel for three whole days before you come to someplace else.” His idea of adventure was to ride a plow horse through Sweden’s western farm lands circa 1880. This morning I left my fortified suburban enclave and traveled thousands of miles in just hours. Nothing changed – I haven’t gone anywhere
at all.

by-Doug Mathewson

Baxter Bunny was thoroughly pissed-off. Indignantly he grumbled, “Moved all the way out here,
went in hock for an ear job. Worked my tail off year after year, and for what? The goddamned runaround! “I’ve had it” he complained, “with this town and this whole stupid industry! Fuck cartoons.!”

Let’s plan to occupy the executive washroom.
I’ll bring a cooler and my George Foreman grill.
Blue collar, pink collar, flea collar, no collar.
Free chicken and beer!
Wear a suit and act like a dick? Sorry, none for you.
Hack the PA system and we’ll all sing cowpoke songs.
The Scouts, both boy and girl, and 4-H kids can tell marathon ghost stories.
A helium bottle and bull horn for every middle schooler,
With the stern instructions, “Okay, you’re all bunnies, and you’re all crazy!”
Invite the neighborhood to take over the hall ways!
Roller skating hockey players.
Old men playing bocce, spitting and cursing in a language unknown.
Chalk drawn hop-scotch and hipsters pushing strollers.
Murder bike on the stairs!
Competitive eating contests in the Board Room,
“Calling the baked beans and pineapple chucks contest, no utensils class.”
Marbles in the air-ducts, rappers in reception, laundry hanging in the lobby!
When things are running like they should, then I’ll go and place
My fuzzy little behind where only lizard boss reptile haunches have been..
And re-read all the novels I’ve meant to for years, let’s start with Moby Dick.

by-Doug Mathewson