Wilhelm’s Job

Since Wilhelm was the oldest, his job was wiping snot from Grandfather’s great
walrus like mustache. Wilhelm often waited until long drooping strands were dangling off
Grandfathers chin. Grandfather did not care for Wilhelm. Wilhelm did not care for Grandfather.

Gretchen, the youngest, just knew in her heart she’d knife the old man before she’d take over Wilhelm’s job. Her stabbing Grandfather would make their mother very sad Gretchen knew, so she daydreamed about burning their little house down while everyone was asleep.

Wilhelm’s middle sister, Little Martha, told all this to the blind man who sold postcards in front of the Cathedral. They were close friends. Little Martha picked out all the postcards that he sold. She told him they were religious paintings by Renaissance Masters depicting Saints, Holy Miracles, and Bible stories.

They were actually photos of naked muscle men. The pictures were well done, Mediterranean sunshine gave a warm tone to the oiled bodies of these young men.
Most often they posed to display their striking physiques. Sometimes they were kissing or just holding hands.

by-Doug Mathewson

Modern Medicine

The new vet diagnosed our old cat’s as being hyper-thyroid,
and prescribed a medicated cream to be applied twice daily.
The cream comes in felt tipped applicators. Two twist of the
base puts the proper dosage on the tip, and you gently rub it
inside the cat’s ears. This beats trying to get a pill down her by far.
The applicators are expensive! I’m thinking we could supplement
the medication with a high-liter. Alternate the two for a placebo
affect. Besides, Kitten will be so cute with florescent yellow ears
and coal black fur. Just the perfect picture for our Christmas cards.

by Doug Mathewson

Schools and Government Offices will be closed.

Hangings have always been good for business.
The She-Scouts made little nooses to sell.
The He-Scouts will roast sausages stuck on sticks.
Tomorrow they’ll string up the guy who slipped all
those nasty annoying little spinning pinwheels into Apple
computers. The turnout should be huge.

Doug Mathewson